Post by azb on Feb 3, 2011 23:54:26 GMT
Your first person works really well. Easy to read, very colloquial. The one thing that bothers me is that whole 'retarded' conversation at the end, but that's just my personal pet peeve.
I do like the way Bella was changed. You didn't spend 5 chapters on it or anything, because the change itself was really just incidental of Alice's disappearance. So yeah. There're my thoughts ;D
I do like the way Bella was changed. You didn't spend 5 chapters on it or anything, because the change itself was really just incidental of Alice's disappearance. So yeah. There're my thoughts ;D
