Same Sex Attraction

[JocelynTorrent]

So, if you're on this site, it most likely means you are attracted to the A/B pairing, which is a same sex pairing. Personally, I always find it interesting to see how people write Bella and Alice's feelings on being gay or coming out or what have you.

So if you are attracted to the same sex, how did you find out? Was it gradual, or natural? How attracted are you to the same sex? Does it make a difference with your home life?

If you're not comfortable answering this or any questions listed: Don't. No pressure here. Also, feel free to include anything else and PLEASE NOTE: I will not take lightly to anything offensive being posted on here. You have been warned.

[azb]

Ooh, Tough JT is out in full force. Nice.

[JocelynTorrent]

I know right? Didn't think it'd be so scary, huh?

[Deleted]

Haha wow I hope I can get all those points....

For me it was a very easy progression. It felt completely natural. There was nothing apparent to me until I reached pre-teens. When I played soccer, I played with older girls, sometimes 4 or 5 years older than me. I started to notice them in a different way, I really wanted to impress them and be their friends. I remember the exact moment I felt that there was something more. I realized that the draw was more than friendship.

I hadn't personally seen the outcome of what I was feeling; I come from a small town so there aren't gay couples. It was basically brushed aside, I was so busy with stuff. High school was the confusing part. I remember thinking, "Man, shouldn't I like at least one of these guys?" I had a thing with a senior who had liked me for years, but it didn't click. After a while, when I realized the noticing girls was still there I went to the internet. I looked up gay shows and gay movies and gay websites. By senior year I told two friends that I thought I was gay but was confused. They were fine with it, either way. I was really happy to have an outlet.

When I got to college, I did things with guys and felt nothing. The gay senior on the soccer team really helped me too. She would tell me she had felt the same way and experienced similar things. It really helped me grow.

I knew my parents had become suspicious when I would talk about the guys who ask me out and who like me, but I would say I wasn't interested. Sophomore year, I came out to my college roommate and then soon after my parents. My parents accept it and I am more than thankful to have such a great family.

I think it really helped that I looked at past "coming-out" experiences. They give you a good view of what your parents feel in that moment. When you tell your parents you are gay, all their future visions of you getting married and having grandkids evaporates from their minds. It's not that it isn't possible anymore, it is just that your future won't happen in the way they imagined it.

I would be happy to answer any questions or help any one who is going through this process. I know how much it means to have people there for you.

[buffscoobs]

Hmmm... how to start?

I've grown up in a large family and out of 12 children I'm the only one that's gay. I grew up listening to my older sisters talk about the boys they liked and the dates they went on, but I was my mom's 'tomboy' and never really had an interest in dating in general. I wasn't until I was about 14 that I realized I was gay and it was because I developed this undeniable on a girl in my homeroom class. It took me almost the entire year to wake up to how I felt about the girl cause you do tend to brush it off as emotions less than what they actually are.

After figuring out I was gay I went through about three years of denial. I dated guys I wasn't really interested in, but I thought it was expected of me so I went along with it. When they'd dump me we'd stay friends and it was like nothing happened cause I was never really emotionally invested into any of the 'relationships'.
I would search the internet and read some of the original lesbian fiction that had been archived online at the time, and eventually I stopped dating guys because I just couldn't fake it anymore. I just kind of hit this point where I didn't want to lie about it or hide from it any longer.

At 17 I came out to my best friend (who is still my best friend) and she was fine with it, only getting upset when I told her I didn't check her out in that way. A couple weeks later I came out to one of my older brothers and he took it well, telling me he just wanted me to be happy.

From there I guess my siblings started talking about it because I didn't actually come out to all of them, and most of them took it fine. My brothers especially weren't bothered by it, but my one sister said she wouldn't believe it until I had a girlfriend with me.
My parents overheard my little brother talking to his girlfriend about me being gay one night, and my mom confronted me when I was the only one home for dinner the following night. I didn't want to lie so I told her the truth and the conversation the resulted was not a very pleasant one. She told me I was such a disappointment and that I ruined the family, then told me if I was going to be 'that way' I wasn't allowed under her roof.

I ended up living at my friends house for two years after she found out I was sleeping in my car, and the thing that got my mom and I to talk again was me being hospitalized with the flue. All of my siblings and I stayed in touch for the two years, and when my mom was at work I'd go visit my dad who was actually the most supportive parent I could have ever asked for.

Now it's 10 yrs later and my mom has somehow forgotten her reaction to that horrible dinner, and tells people she took my coming out really well. We are doing fine now though, she even tried to help me find a girlfriend a few years back (which as nice as it was, really freaked me out), but she gets along great with my current girlfriend of four years.

So kind of a rough road but a happy ending all the same

[azb]

Nice to hear that both you guys have had relatively good endings. I'm glad

[JocelynTorrent]

agreed

[Deleted]

buffscoobs

I had the same issue with "expectations". I hadn't known, at the time, that my dating guys was meant to conform, but looking back it seems like that was the reason behind all the "feelings" and relationships with guys.

[JocelynTorrent]

If anyone's willing to answer, did you think that people knew deep down who you liked? Or were you really good at hiding it?

[Deleted]

Before I came out, I was too nervous of getting caught and being ostracized so I was really careful. With your closest friends though, it is hard to fool them. When I worked up the courage to tell two of my friends, they were like "FINALLY!"

Let me tell you, it is a blow to the wannabe sleuth in you when you thought you were getting away with it and really weren't. lol They said my eyes lingered too much and I talked about girls more than guys. Overly observant people ruin everything. lol

[JocelynTorrent]

Don't they just? Course, I have a straight friend who grabs at me all the time. I'm hoping she's still oblivious, lol.

[Deleted]

Oblivious to you or oblivious to herself?

[JocelynTorrent]

Well, she says she could never grab at a gay friend, because they'd get the wrong idea, haha. So who knows.

[Deleted]

Some of my friends are "hesitant". I laugh at them because it's absurd to think we will pounce on any girl haha. But if you tell them you aren't interested they get offended. lol

[JocelynTorrent]

I know right? Such ignorance.