Reviews for TTOIMS

[elphabacullen]

Hi fellow Bellice lovers!

If any of you fancy leaving me a review for my new story "The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan" or TTOIMS as Ive cutely shortened it to, then please do so here...

I'm working on Chapter Three as I write this, but I'm still nervous, esp. with how poorly my first was received on this site.

Thanks

Elphaba Cullen

[azb]

Don't be nervous! I just read your prologue and two chapters, and I seriously love the insights you've given. Charlie being so astute is a wonderfully welcome change to the usual oblivious way I see him written. And, ouch, you really don't pull any emotional punches, do you?

I hadn't ever considered what Charlie expected Bella to grow up as, or the fact that she may have surprised him, when he first picked her up from the airport. Or that she strayed from that perception so strongly. That conversation between the two of them, about how she changes so easily to suit those around her, was really powerful.

Also, Alice is fierce. Love it.

Your writing is very strong, and the ideas in your work are awesome! Seriously. (And that Edward was kind of a no-show I'm always for absenteeism on his part) If you just tightened your grammar up a little (remembering or altering use of apostrophes, is mostly it), I wouldn't have anything to pick at! So good stuff!

[Enjorous]

Okay, so this review is for your prologue and chapter one. Haven't had a chance to read chapter two yet:

I absolutely loved your imagery in the prologue. I was slack jawed for half of it. That takes a lot because I read a lot and I don't go slack jawed for many things just based on the language. I loved that even with a picture perfect memory that Alice still kept a journal, and one that was so well used. I thought that idea was creative and adjusted the tone just enough that it really stepped it up to the next level.

I couldn't agree with Cyborg more with respect to Charlie. You gave a character who is generally more wooden than Pinocchio and gave him depth and insight that he's not normally afforded. It's easy to say that fathers never like the men their daughters bring home. But instead of just stopping there you went forth and gave him a lot of reasons. And you didn't stop at giving him reasons...you gave him GOOD reasons. Reasons that fathers would actually have other than "dat der boi ain't no good fer muh daughta!" And on top of that he gave her counter reasons on why Alice was just so much better! He didn't mean it as a "you should date your best friend instead" but more of a way to show it to her in a way that made sense.

Review for Chapter two coming soon.

[elphabacullen]

Well, I didn't get the review of the 2nd chapter, but I went ahead and published on FF.net (even though I detest that site and everything it does).

So from now on all my updates will take place there...

[Enjorous]

Huh...I know I wrote a review for chapter two, the board must have eated it